THE PARABLE OF THE HAMMER
1998-12-11-280
ESSAY - MPERS #015
THE PARABLE OF THE HAMMER
One day in the mists of parabolic time, there lived a man who invented a hammer. It was a wonderful invention. All his friends and family bought one for a dollar.
Pretty soon the Democrats decided he had to have a name for it. So he had to register the name “hammer”, and have the invention patented and the name copyrighted. He had to charge the expense to the cost of the hammer, making it now cost two dollars.
The Democrats decided he needed a business license, a building permit, a zoning permit, property insurance, and building insurance. This worried the man because the cost of the hammer was going to have to be now three dollars or he wouldn’t be able to open for business.
The Naderites said his plant, required by the EPA, had to pass all the safety measures, even though he was the only employee. The Americans with Disabilities Act said that all the Coke machines, parking places, bathroom facilities, and secretary’s office, as well as the furnaces had to be taken out and re-done to comply with the handicapped workers they didn’t have. The dost of the hammer had now risen to five dollars and he still wasn’t open for business.
The Democrats, under Bill Klinton said, “We feel your pain”, and told him he had to collect sales tax, shipping tax, city tax, and state tax so they could provide Midnight Basketball next door to his shop to the people who were likely to rob his place of business. He wondered why more people got robbed after playing Midnight Basketball than before. Then he was told that his taxes had to be raised to pay for the 100,000 policemen that Klinton had promised the Nation. He wondered where the policemen were that were supposed to have been hired. The cost of the hammer had now risen to ten dollars.
The Democrats then hit him with taxes to Save the whale, Save the Egrets, The Global Warming Fund, The AIDS Foundation, the Save The Rain Forests Foundation, etc. The hammer rose in price to twenty dollars to cover expenses.
Still, his business kept thriving. The E. P. A. Decided his factory was polluting the air, so they made him rebuild the building. No sooner was it rebuilt than they discovered asbestos in the ceiling and they had to take it out and replace it. The hammer had now risen to a cost of forty dollars. The Black Market was already developing a hammer costing half as much.
He wanted to be able to hire his wife but the EEOC said he must hire a certain number of Blacks, Hispanics, Asian, as well as Handicapped before he could hire one of his family. So he had to spend massive amounts of money in advertizing to otherwise lure people away from their lucrative jobs collecting welfare. The cost of the hammer rose to fifty dollars. Copycat hammers sprang up everywhere. The Black Market was beginning to surpass his own business.
The Democrats passed so many laws regarding usage of the hammer he had to hire a full time staff of lawyers and accountants. There were Democrats springing up everywhere who said that one person was killed with a hammer. They wanted to sue the inventor of the hammer, saying that he KNEW that the hammer was a dangerous weapon, and he tried to deceive the public by enticing people to use it as a weapon. After all, they said, people get addicted to a hammer. The price of the hammer now rose to eighty dollars.
The man felt badly about his $2.00 hammer. The Republicans came to his rescue and gave him a tax break. The hammer fell in price to only seventy dollars. About this time everyone saw the investment opportunities and clamored to make the hammer go into public stock.
Then, because of this, the Democrats passed the “Windfall Profits Tax”, because he made so much money. This caused the hammer to jump in price again to One Hundred Dollars, in order to pay the higher taxes.
Now only the rich could afford a hammer. But because the hammer now cost so much, the Democrats began charging a luxury tax. This caused the hammer to jump to One Hundred Forty Dollars in order to pay the tax.
The Democrats passed a law setting the minimum wage at $10.00 an hour. In order to pay his employees, he had to raise the price of his hammer once again. Now the hammer cost One Hundred Eighty Dollars.
Along about that time, someone robbed his place of business and stole all of his hammers to sell on the street.
The man had no more hammers to sell so he went and found a man who was just going into business selling nails. He spent $1.00 for a five pound sack of nails and with a rock put up a large sign on the side of his building, reading “Thank you Bill Klinton for feeling my pain. I wish I could help you feel some more pain. Thank you for NAFTA, for I’m now going to Mexico, to look for less taxes, less restrictions, cheaper labor, and a place where I can sell my $2.00 hammer for $2.00".
That week, Bill Klinton posted a drop in the jobless rate because he had devised a new way to figure it.
◆◆◆
the wordmaster says:
❝Now this is a true story!❞
◆◆◆
ESSAY - MPERS #015
THE PARABLE OF THE HAMMER
One day in the mists of parabolic time, there lived a man who invented a hammer. It was a wonderful invention. All his friends and family bought one for a dollar.
Pretty soon the Democrats decided he had to have a name for it. So he had to register the name “hammer”, and have the invention patented and the name copyrighted. He had to charge the expense to the cost of the hammer, making it now cost two dollars.
The Democrats decided he needed a business license, a building permit, a zoning permit, property insurance, and building insurance. This worried the man because the cost of the hammer was going to have to be now three dollars or he wouldn’t be able to open for business.
The Naderites said his plant, required by the EPA, had to pass all the safety measures, even though he was the only employee. The Americans with Disabilities Act said that all the Coke machines, parking places, bathroom facilities, and secretary’s office, as well as the furnaces had to be taken out and re-done to comply with the handicapped workers they didn’t have. The dost of the hammer had now risen to five dollars and he still wasn’t open for business.
The Democrats, under Bill Klinton said, “We feel your pain”, and told him he had to collect sales tax, shipping tax, city tax, and state tax so they could provide Midnight Basketball next door to his shop to the people who were likely to rob his place of business. He wondered why more people got robbed after playing Midnight Basketball than before. Then he was told that his taxes had to be raised to pay for the 100,000 policemen that Klinton had promised the Nation. He wondered where the policemen were that were supposed to have been hired. The cost of the hammer had now risen to ten dollars.
The Democrats then hit him with taxes to Save the whale, Save the Egrets, The Global Warming Fund, The AIDS Foundation, the Save The Rain Forests Foundation, etc. The hammer rose in price to twenty dollars to cover expenses.
Still, his business kept thriving. The E. P. A. Decided his factory was polluting the air, so they made him rebuild the building. No sooner was it rebuilt than they discovered asbestos in the ceiling and they had to take it out and replace it. The hammer had now risen to a cost of forty dollars. The Black Market was already developing a hammer costing half as much.
He wanted to be able to hire his wife but the EEOC said he must hire a certain number of Blacks, Hispanics, Asian, as well as Handicapped before he could hire one of his family. So he had to spend massive amounts of money in advertizing to otherwise lure people away from their lucrative jobs collecting welfare. The cost of the hammer rose to fifty dollars. Copycat hammers sprang up everywhere. The Black Market was beginning to surpass his own business.
The Democrats passed so many laws regarding usage of the hammer he had to hire a full time staff of lawyers and accountants. There were Democrats springing up everywhere who said that one person was killed with a hammer. They wanted to sue the inventor of the hammer, saying that he KNEW that the hammer was a dangerous weapon, and he tried to deceive the public by enticing people to use it as a weapon. After all, they said, people get addicted to a hammer. The price of the hammer now rose to eighty dollars.
The man felt badly about his $2.00 hammer. The Republicans came to his rescue and gave him a tax break. The hammer fell in price to only seventy dollars. About this time everyone saw the investment opportunities and clamored to make the hammer go into public stock.
Then, because of this, the Democrats passed the “Windfall Profits Tax”, because he made so much money. This caused the hammer to jump in price again to One Hundred Dollars, in order to pay the higher taxes.
Now only the rich could afford a hammer. But because the hammer now cost so much, the Democrats began charging a luxury tax. This caused the hammer to jump to One Hundred Forty Dollars in order to pay the tax.
The Democrats passed a law setting the minimum wage at $10.00 an hour. In order to pay his employees, he had to raise the price of his hammer once again. Now the hammer cost One Hundred Eighty Dollars.
Along about that time, someone robbed his place of business and stole all of his hammers to sell on the street.
The man had no more hammers to sell so he went and found a man who was just going into business selling nails. He spent $1.00 for a five pound sack of nails and with a rock put up a large sign on the side of his building, reading “Thank you Bill Klinton for feeling my pain. I wish I could help you feel some more pain. Thank you for NAFTA, for I’m now going to Mexico, to look for less taxes, less restrictions, cheaper labor, and a place where I can sell my $2.00 hammer for $2.00".
That week, Bill Klinton posted a drop in the jobless rate because he had devised a new way to figure it.
◆◆◆
the wordmaster says:
❝Now this is a true story!❞
◆◆◆
posted by wordmaster | 3:00 PM
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